Banks, shipping and television - Originally posted January 2006

So what’s happened since December?

Apparently January is colder than December, the car still belongs to no one and on top of that we found out our car insurance is invalid and we can’t get any until Miguel’s NIF comes and we can claim the car as ours. On that note, Miguel’s NIF is late. It should be here any day HAHA! We did get the land that we were looking at. We almost lost it because, but in the end we bought it. All we need is a mortgage now. We have no idea what we’re doing.

Keep in mind these were the initial problems that we encountered. More have come since then to give us a lovely collage of pains in the ass.

The first problem is our money. We left Canada without it. You’re thinking “Are you dumb or something”, but think about it. Most people who sell their place where do they move to. Perhaps a bigger house or to a different city where they have a new job or closer to family. All they do is go to their new branch of TD or RBC or BMO and get their money. Who moves to another country? Only morons like us, that’s who. So we left the country with our money in our Canadian accounts thinking no problem. Why would there be a problem? We live in the age of computers? Anything can be transferred in a matter of days. No problem? Problem! It takes A MONTH to process a Canadian cheque in Spain. We know this now because we tried it with MY new bank account (Miguel can’t get one yet cuz he doesn’t have a NIF). So I came up with this brilliant idea to transfer the money to my dad’s account from Miguel’s account and then get him to wire it to our new account. The money should be here in a couple of days. No problem right? Problem! Have to call our bank in Canada first and get them to add my dad to Miguel’s internet payee list. You’d think you could add another customer of the same bank to your account online, but NOOOOOOOOO. Get that set up then transfer the money to him. No problem right? Problem! We can only transfer 8% of out total amount at once, but apparently you can do as many transfers as you want and it doesn’t cost anything. So 13 transfers later the money is with my dad who wires it to us the next day. A WEEK later it finally shows up, but not all of it. Oh, there’s a rule you need to know. Here in Spain EVERYONE takes a cut. So our bank in Canada took their cut, pretty standard. But then it went through their intermediary bank, which took a cut and THEN it finally got to our account where our bank took a cut. Nice eh? Wait until you hear about the shipping.

So the shipping. Ah, the shipping. First word of advice; NEVER USE SEALINK CANADA TO SHIP ANYTHING. Unless of course you love surprises like getting a phone call from Barcelona telling you that your stuff has arrived there and that you need go there and pay them money and fill out some forms. For your convenience you can hire a customs broker and have them take care of it for you and you pay them. Hmm, what to do? So I call the GUY from Sealink Canada and ask him, “So, like what is this all about? I paid you $1500 to ship our stuff to Malaga and now their calling from across the country telling us we can go there and pay or we can hire someone and pay?” To which he replies, “my fee is for transport and documentation in Canada so you’re pretty much on your own”. And you couldn’t tell me all this in Canada? Whatever, once again someone’s getting their cut. Sooooo, 600 euros later we still don’t have our stuff, we paid extra fees because the customs brokers office took their sweet ass time and didn’t inform us that we had to send the money first just told us to bring the invoice to the port so now we’re paying fees for the port in Barcelona holding our stuff. Have we finally gotten our stuff you ask? No, it’s apparently going to arrive next Tuesday or Wednesday. I’ll believe it when I see it. They should make one of those Mastercard commercials from this experience. Except it ain’t priceless baby. Total shipping: A cool $2500. Are we having fun yet?

One last problem to talk about and then I have to talk about happy things because all this negativity is giving me a headache. We learned something new here. I can own a car! I just need a NIE. It’s like Miguel’s NIF except it’s for foreigners. So we go to Malaga to get this NIE that will allow us to own a car and drive with insurance. Cool eh? So we go to the place we went for Miguel’s NIF. Nope, not there. You have to go to this other office all the way across the city.

So we take a cab there. Hmmm, can’t get a NIE yet you need to register your marriage certificate that shows that you’re married to a Spaniard. You have to go to this other place here across the city.

So we take a cab. Wait in line. Finally our turn. Nope, you need to be in that line. Ok, again our turn. Oh, you need to go to the Canadian embassy and get instructions from them. Where is that? Don’t know. No one knows, but the British one is over there ask them. Where? Hmmm, no. That’s the French embassy, but wait! Nice receptionist has a list of embassies in Malaga. Here is the Canadian embassy all the way over here. Ok, get another cab. Um, no. No cabs available cuz it’s getting close to lunch and everyone’s going home. Walk all the way there. Of course it has a Burger King attached to it. Only funny thing all day. Finally get there at 1:10 after running around town for 3 hours just trying to get one thing done. Hours of Operation: 9 to 1 Monday to Friday. Sit down on bench and CRY!!!

OMG someone actually opened the door. Such a nice lady. Gives us the instructions we need to send our marriage certificate back to Canada to get authenticated by the Department of Foreign Affairs so it can then be authenticated by the Spanish Embassy down the street in Ottawa and then off to Madrid to get authenticated once more. By the time it comes back Miguel will have his NIF and I can get my NIF and not my NIE. I have a headache.

Now for a little lesson in the funnier things in Spain. I guess they’re not really funny, but instead odd. Today’s topic is Spanish TV. For starters, they’re soap operas are ridiculously dramatic especially considering that nothing happens. No one steals anyone’s baby or husband. No one gets kidnapped. No one gets possessed and there are no bitch fights. No ridiculous story lines and yet twice the drama. Commercial breaks for any show last like 15 – 20 minutes, BUT they only play once every hour or so.

The news is for the whole country because there are less people killed and robbed in all of Spain than in Toronto each year. And yet Miguel’s mom is sure we will be killed in our sleep if we live in the country.

Another thing is that this country is obsessed with performing children. There’s this one show that is all performances from children from singing songs to telling jokes. They had this one girl on there singing pop music and trying to shake her hips like Britney Spears (she was 4 years old; she has no hips) and the hosts LOVED it! I couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. I mean she’s four. She hasn’t even developed a voice yet. She sounds like a chipmunk and rightly so. Two weeks later in Malaga I noticed a poster advertising this same four year old in concert. I guess she’s a big star and I didn’t even know it. I consider it the equivalent to pageanting in North America. They also have this song on one channel that comes on at 8 o’clock every night for kids so they know it’s time to go to bed. It’s very catchy.

And finally the movie names. I don’t know how it works, but sometimes they keep the English title completely, sometimes they translate it literally and sometimes they come up with something completely different. Here are two of my favorites.

Movie Names:

Spanish Title: La Jungla de Cristál
Translation: The Glass Jungle
English Title: Die Hard

Spanish Title: Los Blancos no lo Pueden Meter.
Translation: The Whites Can’t Put It In
English: White Men Can’t Jump